Child/teen turns to adult :: Summer 2010

Current quote of the moment: "Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional." ---Mark Hart, the Bible Geek

Current Song of the moment: "Brick by boring Brick" by Paramore




Dude... Isn't she so pretty here? Hayley Williams. Man. Do I love a girl with a lotta spunk. She also looks more mature here than her previous music vids. What's even better is that she's practically my age. ;-) hehe

I really like this song, it's been stuck in my head lately. I really like the lyrics too. I feel like it's talking about growing up and having a hard time growing up. Watch the music vid and check out the lyrics. Notice the very beginning lyric where she says plucking off the wings from butterflies. Note that the young girl is wearing butterfly wings and Hayley doesn't have wings, representing her childhood growth from a kid and now. It talks about the magic and illusions you had as a kid. But as you grow up, you realize how black your environment turns and you are engulfed into what reality really has to offer. It's all a part of growing up. Also notice how when the young girl looks in the mirror, she see's herself pampering her hair, getting more concerned about looks and reality rather than the fun fantasy things around her. But what sucks is that you are the one realizing this on your own. Thats why "you get the shovel and dig a deep hole." you bury the castle of your childhood dreams and illusions when reality sets in. I also like the ending the really ties in well with how the young girl falls into the ditch(grave possibly? Maybe representing the death of her childhood dreams?) and then I like how Hayley picks up the doll making a clearer connection of her use to be the young girl. I also like how she is the one who actively but sadly makes the decision to toss the doll into the ditch/grave. Lots of meaning in this vid. i really like it.

As of late, GSA and my summer has been super stressful. I'm pretty tired and sick and have been lacking sleep, so i'll do my best to keep this short. ( i know i normally do a bad job of doing so)

Last week I got sick, my first night of GSA, I had an incident where I left for my apartment and no one was watching my suite. A kid needed my help and I wasn't there. By the time I got back, the parent had already picked up the kid, and I was in deep trouble. I seriously jeopardized the program. I was in huge trouble. Not only that, I'm the boys head RA, my cell phone battery was shot dead, without a charger. I had 8 am class the next day. blah blah blah. And that was just the first night. I messed up 2 more time in the next consecutive days causing more stress. It was tough. I didn't have good back up from the other RA's on duty and all these other factors i felt perfectly aligned for me to get set up for failure. We are also understaffed this year.

Normally, GSA wasn't this stressful. I love GSA, you guys all know that. But lately... wow. i don't know what to say. I'm trying to balance out a class with it. and it has been tough. all of last week had been tough. I have been staying up till 2/3am sometimes to do an online quiz and waking up at 7:30 am on mon/wed for class. It sux. It's been hard. my body hasnt' been holding up well and im still sick. I hate it. this week I'm a little more hopeful. I think im getting better. My parents pampered (made me sinigang and gave me meds. Mom did my laundry, etc.) me a little bit when i was sick this weekend and heard my rant about my stressful week. My siblings bought me a brand new $30 battery for my cell phone so work would be easier on me. I love my family and support. I hope things are better this week. I really am more hopeful.

I have the song and quote about maturity because it's been my reflective thoughts as of late. I remember being a kid and not having to worry about growing up. Not having to worry about anything at all but school. But that's not what trying to be an adult in college is like. There are so many responsibilities that I need to take care of. It's crazy. Being in GSA makes me reminisce of the childhood days. Being an RA makes me feel like a kid again, which makes me love GSA. Lately, I've been wondering if I've changed a lot, and if those changes were for the best. I know maturity is a good thing, but I just hope that I will still be a kid at heart, no matter what future career path I choose in the future. I don't think I want to be a stuck up and super serious adult when I grow up. I still want to be full of life and optimism. but as of late, it really has been like that. I'm getting drained of those kid like qualities, and I'm not sure if they'll come back. it's a scary thought for me.

P.S. I've been considering a minor/future career in education.(mainly because getting into the mgmt minor is pretty difficult) Or maybe a career as a social worker. I'll think about it some more. It's a job that can help people and change lives. I wonder...

End time: 2:50pm