Un-motivated

Current Quote of the Day: "Raise your sail one foot and you get ten feet of wind." ---Chinese Proverb

Current Song of the moment: "Beating Hearts Baby" by Head Automatica

Hey mad props to you if you've ever heard of this band. They are not that well known and kinda hav the punk-indie-rock feel to them. I would post up the real music vid. but it's super weird and i like the way the actual soundtrack sounds than the actual music vid. haha.

In all honesty, I could do better in school. I know i can. But seriously, what pisses me off is that ignorant job hiring ppl put so much emphasis on gpa. Honestly, look at the skills and quality of the person more than GPA! I am doing well in school, im maintaing above a 3.0 I know i could do better, but I don't really want to try that hard to be honest. lol I'd rather enjoy the college life while maintaining the balanced life of friends, life, family, professionalism, and career path/job.

I heard that to make yourself competitive; you need at least a 3.7 to stand out above the rest of the competition. My question is; why not go the easier route(in my opinion of course) and just have a lower gpa but do other stuff that helps you become more competitive like internships, jobs, being on board for clubs. etc. I guess it's not for some ppl ya know? My advice is just choose one route or the other. Book worm or lower gpa and lots of extra-curricular activities. And if you can somehow accomplish both feats, well my friend i tip my hat off to you.(if i was wearing one that is.)

anyway, enuf about that. back to the main issue. I have not been feeling motivated to do hw lately. I'm not normally one to wait till the last minute to do hw and get on stuff. but i guess my body is still telling me that it's on summer time. lol I think this could be that i'm not use to the adjustment of having work, Liwanag, friends, family, and schoolwork all being juggled yet. (how about throwing another ball in there? could i still juggle it all? hahah maybe... for a GF i think i'd be willing to try! : P) i think i got the senor-itis flu. and Im not even a SENIOR yet! eff. lol

I think it might be due to the fact that i am too pre-occupied with other fun stuff i can be doing and improving like: my longboarding skills, Liwanag stuff, SSARC efficiency, family hang outs, building closer ties with GOOD friends, GOD, etc. I always see so much room for improvement, scratch improvement, "growth" in my life. I guess im that type of person that just wants to improve things and makes things better. and my mind is always thinking of how to make random aspects of my life better. I just want to do it all and accomplish it all, but i can't neglect one aspect such as schoolwork. just because it's boring doens't mean i can't push it aside. i needa stay focused. I've never been so unmotivated before and unfocused. haha. oh well.

Oh wellz, i'll manage somehow. I am kinda excited yet been postponing my fiction writing class. I didn't want to start writing a short story yet. I'll get on it tomorrow. lol ask you can see, im just trying to occupy my time and not clean my room or do laundry and am blogging and facebooking. lol. My Econ 122A class, econometrics, supposedly one of the hardest classes offered at UCI is going okay actually. It's tough, but nothing i can't take if i just study hard enuf. I think im getting cuz my TA is freaking bomb. she's so good at teaching the material. mad props to her. I'd rather hear her teach than the professor. haha. and surprisingly, my econ 100C intermediate macroeconomics class sux. I don't like how the professor teaches. We don't deal with numbers really. it's hella conceptual and if we deal with equations, they're all just a bunch of letters with derivations and shizz. put sum daym numbers up there! crap man. lol i was more of a microeconomist than a macroeconomist. heheh

Today i was down with spontaneity. i was chillin with Ray and walking with him to his car and then i ran into Nilo who wanted to ride my longboard. I kiked it at his pad and loosened my trucks a bit. (speaking of which, i need to purchase a skate unit. haha) I can now carve a lot better! man... i love my longboard even more now. rofl. so nilo and i were just cruising and we see my other acquaintance friend brittany Yung. She has a flexdex too and recognizes me. she tags along and we all go cruising around dartmouth and then campus. It was a lotta fun cruising with them on campus. we bombed sum hills(the not tooo steep and too scary ones. lol) So then we met up with Anna Kwon too! we ran into her after getting Wahoo's. It's like today, God told me to strengthen my relationships with my acquaintance friends. haha man today was a good day and so much fun. Just cruising around was so tite! hahah. So she was locked outta her car and we just went to APS, and waited for the guy to come to Jimmy her car. in the mean time, we went garaging! daym man.... going down those steep slopes and carving it out and turning it down the parking garage was soooo exhilarating and sooo sick at the same time. man.... so much fun! it makes me want to buy elbow pads and a helmet and try to learn how to properly carve and turn sharper and get low on my board.... lol sounds crzy intense or wut? hahha. and in retrospect, Nilo and i got shown up. all the girls were much braver than us going down the hills and more ballzy and went faster while Nilo and i were laggin it in the bak trying to keep up. lol kinda funny yet embarassing. heheh. guess we're not as pro as them. give me some time to get good and then i'll be able to keep up with those girls. hahaha.

And just to leave a final thought... I thought this was pretty cool.

I came downstairs this morning when i awoke and saw tito Homer who just came back from early morn. tennis.

tito: hey Ace! how're you doing? How's school?

me: everything's good tito, schools okay and Liwanag seems to be going well. I also like my job.

tito: you have a job now? where do you work at?

me: at the SSARC, the social science academic research center. we help out with resume critques, grad school apps, internship finding and landing, professionalism, My main job title is training and development, very similar to human resources where i make sure the ssarc is run efficiently and there is effective communication with the staff. etc.

tito: wow ace! that's awesome! I'm really happy for you. sounds like things are going great for you right now in your life.

me: yeah... I kinda like where my life's leading me right now *big smile*

tito: now, the only thing you're missing is a girlfriend! *tito lols*

Me: ahaha.... iono about that yet tito... maybe... maybe...

...

Ace out: 9:30 pm

I think i'm scared for all the wrong reasons

Current Quote of the Day: “Love never wanted me, but I took it anyway!” ---Fall Out Boy song title: XO from their album :"From Under the Cork Tree"
Currently addicted to the Good Charlotte album "The Young and the Hopeless"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gP6gXv4O7_8
Girls like Boys music video.

The song if you don't want to bother watching it. the vid is pretty funny tho.

So I've been in my punk genre of music as of late. But they don't make punk bands like this anymore. I was just talking to my friend on aim about how all the good punk bands are all dead n gone. but whatevers. Im excited to hear what the new revived phoenix: blink 182 has in store for us. haha. I also kinda wonder how true this song is now-a-days. Do most girls really like guys with fast cars and such? prolly on the materialistic ones? hahaha and if a guy has a crush on a girl, would he be willing to force a laff for her? buy everything for her? sacrifice almost anything for her? haha crzy man.

So I know it's normal to be scared concerning matters of the unknown. Like, anyone is scared of anything they do not know or understand. It's human nature. But for once, I think I have a good feeling of where this risk will lead me, but i am scared about the end result. haha eff it.. enuf being vague. lol cuz i sux at it and i know it'll just confuse you guys hahaha

So I've considered this for a while now. More than a month or two for sure. I asked myself if I should ask this girl out. I mean, she is such an awesome and beautiful young lady. She knows how to have fun, has quite a distinct personality, hangs out with good people, doesn't get too crazy doing crazy stuff if you know wut i mean and i mean, i find her to be quite pretty in her own unique way. haha. she's within my age gap. Not too old or young. She is quite talented in a few areas. she just seems like the type of girl that i'd want to get to know more ya know?

But what's holding me back you ask? There are a few things. I know from what i say from this point on might totally change the way you see me, but wutevers. ima be genuine here and share how i really feel about this situation.

What's holding me back(in no particular order of strength):

1. She is too Catholic---Now i know what you are thinking. Are you kidding me?!?!? what's wrong with that? lol normally even i'd say that's a good thing. But to be honest, I am worried about how dating or getting with her would affect my relationship with God. I am currently complacent with my relationship and growth rate with God. I've heard before that it is really bad to be complacent with your self and your relationship with God, but i see it as a complacent growth rate with God. Im not learning about Him too fast or too slowly, just right. And i feel like if i do start to date or be with this individual, it'd hav to accept all for what she knows and understands and i feel like i might get smoothered and might be turned off a bit from all that goodness. Im not sure if you can relate or understand. Im not really sure if I wrote that in a way where you could understand it but yeah. It'd def be a change in lifestyle with the way I see/learn about God and the way i will learn about god will be in such a faster rate that what i'd like.
2. You know, i always wanted a girl who was outside liwanag, outside UCC, for that matter. This might sound bad or vulgar to some of you but my ate told me this quote once. "everybody wants a girl on the streets but a freak in the sheets"(i apologize if this offends some of you.) but it's kinda true tho isn't it? Doesn't every male want that? I mean, this girl for me is the ideal girl you can take home to mom and dad and she is beautiful too but what about the latter half? then again, maybe i shouldn't pass judgement so quickly. I don't know her that well. Should i just ask her out and see where it takes me? sounds hella risky haha.
3. I'm enjoying my "single-tude" Sherry and Thelma made this word up and i like it and have been using it. Haha. at the moment, Im enjoying my freedoms as a single bachelor. haha. I've been focused on studies... kinda sorta.... I hang out with my family a decent amount, I can focus on God when i want to with plenty of room to spare for LOG, I am focused with Liwanag, and making a good effort to keep and strengthen ties between good friends and creating new ones, and I am actually working towards my career in professionalism with my new job at the SSARC. Now the question that arises is, do i really need to add in another variable to the balance? I feel like I'm doing my best in all areas of my life, and if i add in a gf/dating to the mix, how will that affect everything else and the girl? My rule of thumb is never "shortchange" anyone or anything. If you cannot give it your all 100% wholeheartedly, then do not undertake the endeavor. Why do it when you know you can do so much better if you were more focused and had more time? You'd just frustrate yourself knowing that things can be improved and things can be so much better right? I enjoy my lifestyle now, so why change?
4. Cut freedoms: I know this might sound selfish, but what about my own time too? If i reduce the amount of free-time i have to myself, iono how i will function. haha With a girl, iono I'd want to spend my freetime with her right? I feel like this section is a combo of part 1 and 2. I feel like by dating this girl, i won't be able to do the things i want to do. I feel like she would restrict me because of her Catholic-ness. I feel like she'll tell me to supress certain urges, stop my tendencies/habits, and just limit myself overall. And of course i'd want to change for the better for her and for myself ya know? But do i want to change? am i ready to change yet? I don't know man. then again, will she limit me or will she let me run off and do my own thing?

I'm also hella shy/nervous when i talk to her. hhahah. But honestly i dont know if im scared to see where this takes me, or if im just scared about dating a really great catholic girl? I feel like im just thinking about this too much now and i shud just do it. but what about everything else going on in my life?

"she's a great girl! this could be your one and only shot with her! go for it!"

"Focus at the task at hand before everything crumbles, live and enjoy the life you are living now."

As a friend once asked me "What if finding the love of your life meant changing the life that you love?"

Is that some deep doo-doo or what? Man i took a long time writing this blog. lol

Ace Out

End time: 2:11am