I think i'm scared for all the wrong reasons

Current Quote of the Day: “Love never wanted me, but I took it anyway!” ---Fall Out Boy song title: XO from their album :"From Under the Cork Tree"
Currently addicted to the Good Charlotte album "The Young and the Hopeless"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gP6gXv4O7_8
Girls like Boys music video.

The song if you don't want to bother watching it. the vid is pretty funny tho.

So I've been in my punk genre of music as of late. But they don't make punk bands like this anymore. I was just talking to my friend on aim about how all the good punk bands are all dead n gone. but whatevers. Im excited to hear what the new revived phoenix: blink 182 has in store for us. haha. I also kinda wonder how true this song is now-a-days. Do most girls really like guys with fast cars and such? prolly on the materialistic ones? hahaha and if a guy has a crush on a girl, would he be willing to force a laff for her? buy everything for her? sacrifice almost anything for her? haha crzy man.

So I know it's normal to be scared concerning matters of the unknown. Like, anyone is scared of anything they do not know or understand. It's human nature. But for once, I think I have a good feeling of where this risk will lead me, but i am scared about the end result. haha eff it.. enuf being vague. lol cuz i sux at it and i know it'll just confuse you guys hahaha

So I've considered this for a while now. More than a month or two for sure. I asked myself if I should ask this girl out. I mean, she is such an awesome and beautiful young lady. She knows how to have fun, has quite a distinct personality, hangs out with good people, doesn't get too crazy doing crazy stuff if you know wut i mean and i mean, i find her to be quite pretty in her own unique way. haha. she's within my age gap. Not too old or young. She is quite talented in a few areas. she just seems like the type of girl that i'd want to get to know more ya know?

But what's holding me back you ask? There are a few things. I know from what i say from this point on might totally change the way you see me, but wutevers. ima be genuine here and share how i really feel about this situation.

What's holding me back(in no particular order of strength):

1. She is too Catholic---Now i know what you are thinking. Are you kidding me?!?!? what's wrong with that? lol normally even i'd say that's a good thing. But to be honest, I am worried about how dating or getting with her would affect my relationship with God. I am currently complacent with my relationship and growth rate with God. I've heard before that it is really bad to be complacent with your self and your relationship with God, but i see it as a complacent growth rate with God. Im not learning about Him too fast or too slowly, just right. And i feel like if i do start to date or be with this individual, it'd hav to accept all for what she knows and understands and i feel like i might get smoothered and might be turned off a bit from all that goodness. Im not sure if you can relate or understand. Im not really sure if I wrote that in a way where you could understand it but yeah. It'd def be a change in lifestyle with the way I see/learn about God and the way i will learn about god will be in such a faster rate that what i'd like.
2. You know, i always wanted a girl who was outside liwanag, outside UCC, for that matter. This might sound bad or vulgar to some of you but my ate told me this quote once. "everybody wants a girl on the streets but a freak in the sheets"(i apologize if this offends some of you.) but it's kinda true tho isn't it? Doesn't every male want that? I mean, this girl for me is the ideal girl you can take home to mom and dad and she is beautiful too but what about the latter half? then again, maybe i shouldn't pass judgement so quickly. I don't know her that well. Should i just ask her out and see where it takes me? sounds hella risky haha.
3. I'm enjoying my "single-tude" Sherry and Thelma made this word up and i like it and have been using it. Haha. at the moment, Im enjoying my freedoms as a single bachelor. haha. I've been focused on studies... kinda sorta.... I hang out with my family a decent amount, I can focus on God when i want to with plenty of room to spare for LOG, I am focused with Liwanag, and making a good effort to keep and strengthen ties between good friends and creating new ones, and I am actually working towards my career in professionalism with my new job at the SSARC. Now the question that arises is, do i really need to add in another variable to the balance? I feel like I'm doing my best in all areas of my life, and if i add in a gf/dating to the mix, how will that affect everything else and the girl? My rule of thumb is never "shortchange" anyone or anything. If you cannot give it your all 100% wholeheartedly, then do not undertake the endeavor. Why do it when you know you can do so much better if you were more focused and had more time? You'd just frustrate yourself knowing that things can be improved and things can be so much better right? I enjoy my lifestyle now, so why change?
4. Cut freedoms: I know this might sound selfish, but what about my own time too? If i reduce the amount of free-time i have to myself, iono how i will function. haha With a girl, iono I'd want to spend my freetime with her right? I feel like this section is a combo of part 1 and 2. I feel like by dating this girl, i won't be able to do the things i want to do. I feel like she would restrict me because of her Catholic-ness. I feel like she'll tell me to supress certain urges, stop my tendencies/habits, and just limit myself overall. And of course i'd want to change for the better for her and for myself ya know? But do i want to change? am i ready to change yet? I don't know man. then again, will she limit me or will she let me run off and do my own thing?

I'm also hella shy/nervous when i talk to her. hhahah. But honestly i dont know if im scared to see where this takes me, or if im just scared about dating a really great catholic girl? I feel like im just thinking about this too much now and i shud just do it. but what about everything else going on in my life?

"she's a great girl! this could be your one and only shot with her! go for it!"

"Focus at the task at hand before everything crumbles, live and enjoy the life you are living now."

As a friend once asked me "What if finding the love of your life meant changing the life that you love?"

Is that some deep doo-doo or what? Man i took a long time writing this blog. lol

Ace Out

End time: 2:11am