God/Love/Retreat

Current Song of the moment: "Lesson in Love" by Danger Radio



Current Quote of the moment: "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" and another bonus quote! woot special qutoe blog day lol "There are times in everyone's life when something constructive is born out of adversity... when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it." ~Author Unknown (i forgot where i heard the first quote from, i think it was my freind in Jr. High 7th grade. )


Retreat

• We started the retreat off a bit ruff, it was definetly a struggle. getting stuck in the snow with the cars, getting a car locked in, shoveling our way out, not heater or hot water, and running only on four hrs of sleep. so much hard work; yet we all made it through together. Im not going to lie, i was feeling a bit bummed for a bit at the start of the retreat. Morale was quite low.
• But one of the many ppl who i saw the light of God this weekend at the retreat was Steve Forton. Even though my spirits were low, he would just pop outta nowhere and start singing, and keeping the energy up. Even in the hardships of the snow and all, with the cars, he managed to keep ppl smiling, singing, and staying his ussual and postive upbeat self. it was something i really looked up to and was quite a respectable quality that i wish i had more of. to be able to be full of energy, life, and spirit when faced with adversity is quite a siill. never showed stress nor depression. i wish to be like that one day. that even thru the bad times, i'll still manage to smile thru it all and see it thru with that smile.
• After getting all the cars stuck outta the snow, we managed to praise a little bit at the LOG cabin in lake Arrowhead. God really gave us a challenge this weekend. Many things didn't go according to plan. But i feel like God put that obstacle in front of us loggers cuz we needed it. maybe we needed something like that because through the adversity, and seeing it all the way thru, we manged to get closer to each other. and maybe God thought that we lacked in that foundation, so he did so and then focused on him after that.
• I thought it was super cute that all/most of the LOG girls were praying for us as most of the gents were out there helping out diggin out the cars and such. And i really saw all the ugys come together to work hard as a group. So much strenght and responsibility within each of us. Jordan working so hard. Mel and his driving skills. Julian keeping his kool. Steve-man keeping morale up as best as he could. Huan's first retreat with LOG being like this, making hime do labor for a retreat he paid for not once complain about it. a new face RJ helping out and doing everything without complaint. and he barely knew us too! all the other gents down to help out and switch eating and working shifts wen we got tired. etc.
• and also just seeing the light of god in others who helped us outta the icy roads and helping get our car jimmied. etc. it was just beautiful
• but after all this unexpected events we really got the momentum goin after we praised and worshiped for a bit at the cabin. Core made a smart and executive decision to leave and spend the rest of the retreat at Shawshank. things eventually picked up and it turned out great. despite all that, we managed to enjoy ourselves and had a great retreat. God truly blessed us at this retreat. The cherry on top of the retreat was the follow up at interfaith with all the wonderfull and mad support from the alums. that was sooo awesome to see them all and talk to them all. i really do miss the alums man.
• one of the major things i learned in this retreat was what Anna said in our discussion about measuring Love. it was such a mature statement. it made me realize that i shouldn't measure love. i kinda of thought that i what i do for someone, they should recipricate the amount of love i show them. if i put 50% of love to a person, i expect 50% back from them. but love should NOT be determined and measured by how much i want to put in and how much i want to recieve froma particular person. it's not about that. Love that you show should be all genuine and coming fromthe heart because you care and you want to express that love and compassion within you.
• I just wanted to thank the big Guy up there for everything this weekend. It was truly special and a growing experience and mad shout outs to LOG for making it happen and all this possible.

Did someone say Love Triangle?

• well, maybe its more like a "crush triangle" lol. Me having a big crush on a girl, and seeing the girl that im interested in, interested, talking, and just seeing the blosoming of something more to come with another guy that isn't me. and that other guy happens to be a good friend i know. It was interesting feeling... it's pretty funny tho.
• i mean, if they are both happy, im not gonna do anything. just as long as they are happy if somehting does happen between them. but it felt like... its so hard to describe how i felt. i think this is the best way i can describe it...In a way, it felt like a slap int he face. but do to that slap in the face, it really opend up my eyes and forced me to see a new direction and and a new perspective and thinking. (much smiliar to a slap in the face where it hurts to see it happen in from of your eyes, but your head moves to the side with my eyes wide open realizing what was next to me instead of what i was trying to focus on infront of me.)
• I picked up the hints throughout the week, she's def. not interested me in. and that's okay. but for some reason, i felt like i could change her mind about me. i can show her a different side of me in which she can appreciate. i always had high hopes (which kinda made the slap feel a lil more hurtful) thinking that i could change her mind about me, but i guess not. do i feel like a fool? a lil bit. but i learned something
• i talked with Father JF (here's where the eye opening part of the slap comes in and the realization of what was next to me. ) in confession and he said that i am displacing my intimacy in other places. i thought about it for a while. and i said. why do i always have to think about girls? that shouldn't be the case. i shouldn't put so mcuh emphasis on that. there are other ways to feel more complete and more fulfilling in life besides a GF. and i just barely realized that. I should really be more patient with something liike this.
• I've always felt that i was called for the life of Marriage, but i still have a hard time trying to hear God's will. i really need to get better at that. i think it was just what i want and not what God has in store for me. i shud really just leave it open and have God work his magic and let it happen mysteriously or not. or live a single life. What my place in life is for God, i must accept. i must...

My family called me and wished me a happy V Day

• i think my family ate out on Vday. what was really swt tho was that they gave me a call on my voicemail saying happy vday and like. we love you and stuff. i mean, that's kinda rare in my fam and that's the frist tiem i ever got a call like that from my mom before. kinda nice. it made me feel so loved from my fam. I just wanted to add this last part. that's all. lol

i apologize if my blog was a bit darker and less upbeat than ussual. but yeah. i guess that's what was on my mind. i really felt the need to write it all out. I'm feeling hella sleepy rite now. i think i shud knock out. thx for reading and God Bless

nite all

End time: 2:45 AM